I AM

Do you ever feel like the world is spinning around in circles so fast and you can’t find your focus? Do you ever feel like there is so much hurt, pain, confusion, sadness all around… or within… that you feel like you’re drowning? Do you ever feel like you want to scream because everyone else in the world seems to have it all figured out… they’re dressed well, their kids behave, they don’t have any debt….and you just feel like a mess, like you don’t fit in anywhere? Do you ever get mad at yourself because you’ve got your priorities messed up…again? You know you should (and you want to) desire Jesus above all, but really the choices you make each day aren’t reflecting that?

Are you feeling this way? I am! Lately, it seems like things just aren’t in harmony. Maybe you’ve sensed it, too. Or maybe it’s just me, and I’m completely crazy (entirely possible!). Allow me to share what I believe God has been showing me lately.

At Haven we’ve been studying a book together: “The Prodigal God,” by Tim Keller. This book unpacks the parable Jesus told of 2 lost sons and the Unmerited, Lavish love of the Father. So often we think of this parable as a story of the “wayward” younger son and his Father’s radical forgiveness for his horrible sins. A story of a younger son turning from darkness back to the light. And it is, but that’s only ½ of it. Jesus’ audience was a group of Pharisees… the religious, obedient older brothers. Keller points out that the older brother is just as (if not more) sinful than the younger brother. The older brother thinks he has earned his father’s blessings…it’s an attitude of entitlement. How often do I do the same thing? The older brother doesn’t desire a relationship with the Father (on the happiest day of his Father’s life… the wayward son has returned….the older brother refuses to go in and celebrate). Really, the older brother is just like the younger brother… all he wants is his father’s “stuff.” Not a real relationship with the Father. And the older brother doesn’t confess his sins because he doesn’t even recognize his own sinfulness. Wow…this hits really close to home, folks! I see myself in the story and realize that I am the older brother.

Cara and I attended a youth conference last week with Andy Root, from Luther Seminary, as they keynote speaker. His focus was all about building relationships with our students. And really, the concepts he taught apply to ANY of our relationships. Do we build relationships with someone because we seek some end result? Do we build relationships with youth because we want them to come to youth group, or come to church, etc.?. Or, do we simply build relationships with people simply for the beauty of doing life together, walking in faith together, learning & growing together, etc.? Our job is not to “fix” people, or to save people. Our job is to simply love Jesus and to love others. Period. No matter where those “others” are in their faith walk (or where we are, for that matter). Let’s not be afraid to ask the hard questions together and to sit together in a place of not knowing the answers, trusting that God does…and that’s all we need to know.

These two things together (the “Prodigal God” and the youth conference) have awakened my eyes to not only how I’ve abused my relationships with others, but even more deeply, how I’ve abused my relationship with God. I have to ask myself the tough questions: Do I spend time in prayer only when I want something, or simply because I love spending time with the Father and with my Jesus? Do I truly desire God’s Presence, or am I seeking only His blessing? (I also read recently, again, “The Presence Based Church” by Terry Teckyl… highly recommend it!). It’s the Presence of the Almighty God that I need… that we need. And what an amazing thing that He freely offers Himself to us whenever and wherever we choose to invite Him and meet with Him. He’s waiting with listening ears and open arms.

So, back to the beginning: What’s wrong? What’s wrong with the world? What’s wrong with the Church? Why does it seem like things are not in harmony? I go back to the book and a quote that really hit me:

“When a newspaper posed the question, ‘What’s wrong with the World?’ the Catholic thinker G.K. Chesterton reputedly wrote a brief letter in response: ‘Dear Sirs: I am. Sincerely Yours, G.K. Chesterton.’ This is the attitude of someone who has grasped the message of Jesus.” (The Prodigal God, p.. 46)

When I think about what’s “wrong,” the answer is ME. I am! That’s what’s wrong! I’ve got to do some serious soul-searching and admit some things that aren’t pretty about bitter attitudes and messed-up priorities that I’ve allowed to creep into my life. When I think about injustice, poverty, and pain in our families, our Church Family, and around the world, I have to admit that I have not done all I can to reach out to those that are hurting. When I think about the incredible, all-consuming, amazing and lavish love the Father has for me, I realize that I have not fully embraced it and loved Him back with complete abandon.

The Great I AM is the only One who can help us make sense of this mixed-up, crazy, hurting world. The Great I AM is gently calling us, in His Perfect Love, back to a relationship with Him. Not so that we can get something from Him, but simply so that we can be with Him and rest in His Sovereignty. I want to be completely uninhibited in my love for Jesus (as He is in His love for us; sacrificing ALL). Will you please join me? Will you please help me and hold me accountable? This journey begins our KNEES… acknowledging that we are so very messed up, so very much in-need of God’s amazing, undeserved grace through Jesus Christ! Acknowledging that all that we do means NOTHING if we don’t have the Presence of God! Will you join me in seeking the Presence of the I AM?